Art & Agnosticism

I posted on my local Freecycle this afternoon with a want ad for art supplies. I've already dropped about a hundred on paint, brushes, etc.! This being creative business can get expensive! Hopefully I get a few things, and if not, well...there's no harm in trying.  The deist wanna-be in me hopes that I am showered with art-related pennies from heaven. The agnostic in me doubts it and thinks she'll have to make due with what she's got. The deist wanna-be in me likes to relate every blessing and every tiny speck of serendipity with deity while the agnostic in my has way more faith in coincidence. 

It ain't easy being me. :) Perhaps I'm not a polytheist because I can't get out of my own way. 

I'm having an awesome blog conversation with Pax of Chrysalis about why I can't describe myself as polytheistic and what pantheism feels like to me. He gets shaken by the shoulder connection with deity, which I, alas, do not get at all, despite all my best efforts. It's interesting to compare notes.

I'm not really a willing agnostic, to be honest. I've always wanted an intimate relationship with a higher power, but after twenty plus years of intense immersion in pagan practice and study, I get...well...glimpses of something that might possibly be deity. The more I try to name it, the less I 'feel' connected with it, if that makes sense.

As I said to Pax during the course of our conversation, I would love to have the kind of experience I need to have to become a full blown deist.  I want to put some thought now into what kind of experience that might be.