Episode 30 – The Fabulous Christopher PenczaK

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In this episode Fey interviews Christopher Penczak and we talk about his online apprenticeship course (which she is taking), his wonderful books, and the red feather boa!

Fey & Christopher Penczak at Spirits of the Earth Festival

UPCOMING EVENTS
Harvest Fest – October 9 – October 12, 2009

Music this episode was:
S.J. Tucker with For The Love of All Who Gather
Arthur Hinds with Pantheon

TWO SWAG DRAWS

Win signed copy of “Instant Magick” by Christopher Penczak. To win, send your feedback on the topic of Pagan Sexuality to darklyfey@gmail.com, and you’ll be entered to win!

Win a CD recording of Christopher’s workshop on plant familiars by writing to darklyfey@gmail.com and telling Fey what your favourite book by Christopher Penczak is.

THERE ARE PERKS!

All listeners of The Dark Side of Fey have been offered a 5% discount when shopping at Moonlit Creations! Thanks, Mel! We love you!

Stay tuned for upcoming interviews with Arin Murphy Hiscock, Brendan Myers, and more!

READINGS BY FEY

Half hour reading – $25.00
One hour reading – $40.00

Readings take place by phone or over Skype and integrate tarot, numerology and common sense.  To order a reading, please write to darklyfey@gmail.com with the words “Readings by Fey” in the subject line. An appointment will be set at a time that works for you. Payments by PayPal only.

Excellence

This past week has been full of family time. Spousal Unit took the week off, and though we didn’t wind up going to KG due to the cost of necessary car repairs, we did spend a lot of time enjoying one another’s company. I played an astonishing amount of WoW (rolled a BE Hunter and then decided that pagans need a guild of their own – if you play and you want to join the fray, we’re Kin Shadowlight on Turalyon (Hoarde Side).

Yesterday I attended a Lammas open rit with Circle 13 – a group of pagans from divergent paths from Southwestern Ontario (including Geelph, Kitchener, Brantford, Hamilton, Toronto, etc. etc.) who come together to celebrate the high days and enjoy each other’s company. It was a fabulous time! Nice, low key ritual, great pot luck feast, and lovely people. I feel fairly certain I’ll be circling with them again in the near future. An old friend invited me, and I got to meet people I was only familiar with through Facebook. On line and real life converge! It’s so nice when that happens.

I’ve been doing a lot of pathworking with various things. Most recently, I journeyed to better understand Lammas specifically and the harvest season as a whole a little better. I got a lot of really neat insights. Like – as well as celebrating the first harvest and expressing gratitude for the ‘first fruits’, the ancestors would like to see me pay more attention to the first humans (especially the women) who pioneered agriculture. I was visited by a very wizened old woman in this journey who admonished me (pointy finger and all) to remember that without the advent of agriculture, we would still be wandering around – a nomadic people always on the hunt and gather – and all the technological advances we enjoy today would not have been possible. Our intelligence developed the way it did because we had time to sit around and think about things. She agrees that technology is a double edged sword (she joked with me that all things are so) but that if we stopped taking the agricultural cycle for granted, we would find ourselves in better balance.

This struck me as an incredible gift. One of my most valuable spiritual practices lately has been driving around in the country, actually witnessing the cycle of seed, growth, harvest for myself. This has brought me into a great intimacy with the land that sustains me, and I feel somehow a part of the cycle as opposed to merely a beneficiary of it. When I’m out there, I’m blessing the land with all my might, expressing gratitude for the miraculous processes that happen as a result of a marriage between the spirit of nature and the ingenuity of human kind.

Loveliness Abounds

Yesterday was made of win. I spent the afternoon with Chelle (tickly_girl), lunching, bead shopping, imbibing caffeine and talking. During our lovely visit, we ran into Kourtney (nobodyhere) who is looking wonderful and was really nice to run into. Home by dinnertime, we ordered pizza, watched crap on t.v., cuddled and had a fabulous, Corona soused evening. I slept well and am looking forward to a musical birthday party with Amazon Deb, who just turned 50. Excited!

There’s not so great news though. Our car got sick and needed a new front end exhaust. This has rendered my trip to Kaleidoscope Gathering an impossibility. I was *really* looking forward to hanging out with Tameika, Sandie, Deb, Tovah, and everyone else that was going to be there, but I have to be grown up and responsible and forego fun in favour of car repairs. Alas! Still, there’s more stuff coming up this season that I’m looking forward to attending, so I’m not too pouty about it. I’m doing a lot of beading and will be doing a lot more as the summer progresses. I like to think of it as ‘learning to speak the language of stones”, since I’m using a lot of gems in my creations.

New podcast will be coming soon. I’ve got about ten entries in the contest for a signed copy of Christopher Penczak’s “Instant Magick”. There’s always room for more, so be sure to send me your response to the topic of ‘Pagan Sexuality’ to darklyfey@gmail.com

Love to all,

Fey

Random Rambly

Technorati Tags: randomosity

Morning started very early with a 7:30 a.m. alarm and a launching of self out of bed. I had an appointment with the eye doc to get a very poorly done pair of glasses checked and fixed. She’s going to fix them. Appointment was free. New lens will only cost the difference between the old and new, so I’m satisfied. They probably won’t be ready in time for me to go to KG, but I have my contacts and a very broken pair of glasses that will do as emergency back up until the spousal unit comes up to meet me on the weekend.

We had Starbucks this morning. I’m still working on mine – a Venti – and omg, this stuff is like crack. Buzzed!

I bought a new pair of capris yesterday in a size 15. They’re too big. Hurrah! Weight Watcher’s is working and now that I’ve spent a month tracking points and figuring out what works, I feel pretty certain that I can manage it on my own. I just needed to figure out what foods were making me fat and eliminate them. Full fat dairy products were definitely my culprit. Eating far more fresh produce, cutting out the dairy fat, and adding complex carbs in place of simple ones is doing the trick! I’m a happy (shrinking) girl!

I realize this isn’t a very stimulating update, but I don’t have a whole lot to say at the moment. I just wanted to poke my in head in around the blogosphere and say Howdy!

Three entries so far in the draw for a signed copy of Instant Magick by Christopher Penczak. Write to me with your thoughts on Pagan Sexuality and I’ll enter your name in the draw, too! (Email responses to darklyfey@gmail.com)

Alrighty…I’ve got stuff to do and so I’m off to do it! Pot roast for dinner tonight. Mmmmm!

Love to all and Deep Peace

Magick

I'm feeling the push to practice the magickal aspect of my spiritual path more and more these days. I have had really good results when I've taken that leap into working with candles, oils, herbs, charms, ritual, and core shamanism, but more often than not, I opt for inner work. I haven't been able to quite put my finger on where the resistance I feel comes from. Is it fear? Do I have moral objections to working magickally for the things I want to manifest in my life? Does the resistance come out of self-worth issues?

I'm getting closer to pinning it down and it's definitely a combination of all of the above. My path has been mostly devotional for nigh on 25 years now. The point, for me, was to become the best priestess I could be. To me, that meant clearing out the garbage I'd collected after an extremely abusive childhood, and subsequent poor relationship choices. My focus was on learning to parent, to survive, to simply live. Some of my attempts at thriving backfired because I wasn't ready and depended too much on romantic interests to make my dreams of thriving come true.

Something's changing. Shifting. I've been working on Self for a long, long time. I'm not nearly done doing that kind of work, but I am feeling ready to take on a more tangible kind of manifestation. Yes, I've manifested my vision of who I can be. I've fixed my broken chooser and have built an excellent relationship with a really great guy. I'm an excellent parent after many years of struggling to break old patterns and retrain my battered instincts. Yes, I've cleared out a lot of the old conditioning that comes with my kind of history. I have lain my whole life at the feet of the divine and asked to be used, to be claimed, to be healed and reshaped by loving hands.

It's time, I think, that my outer reality started to resemble the lush garden I am making of my being, and I know that one of the ways I can bring my more tangible goals into being is with the use of magick. The sense that I had for years that I wasn't worthy of a life that looked like the one I dream of is almost gone. Not completely, but close enough. The poverty consciousness that comes from not wanting to expect too much out of life is snuffed out completely. Oh, I want! I want and I deserve to want! I have earned the right to want with all my raucous little soul, and I'm ready to want with a child's fervour, a woman's will, and a witch's skill. As for my moral objections to working magick to get 'stuff' (and 'stuff' was always said with a sneer), well, they were bullshit, weren't they? They were a sticky note I taped over my self-loathing. I'm ready to peel that away, too, and face the voices in my head that dare tell me I'm not worthy of the life of my dreams.

First steps. Baby steps. Real magick combined with real action to the ends I desire.

I'm so ready for this. :)

Episode 29 – Surviving Pagan Festivals

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In this episode we talk about upcoming pagan festivals, surviving fests intact, and Christopher Penczak’s upcoming online course in The Temple Tradition of Witchcraft.

UPCOMING EVENTS

Kaleidoscope Gathering – July 29 – August 03, 2009
Firedance Drum Festival – August 13 – August 16, 2009
Harvest Fest – October 9 – October 12, 2009

Music this episode was:
Shibaten Spirits with Hunter
Dragon Ritual Drummers with Ontario
Damh the Bard with Lughnasadh

Sean Elliot won this show’s Swag Draw, and a copy of Arin Murphy Hiscock’s “The Way of the Hedge Witch” is winging his way to his doorstep!!

Next Swag Draw is for a signed copy of “Instant Magick” by Christopher Penczak. To win, send your feedback on the topic of Pagan Sexuality to darklyfey@gmail.com, and you’ll be entered to win!

Stay tuned for upcoming interviews with Arin Murphy Hiscock, Brendan Myers and Christopher Penczak!

READINGS BY FEY

Half hour reading - $25.00
One hour reading - $40.00

Readings take place by phone or over Skype and integrate tarot, numerology and common sense.  To order a reading, please write to darklyfey@gmail.com with the words “Readings by Fey” in the subject line. An appointment will be set at a time that works for you. :) Payments by PayPal only.

Episode 28 – spirits of the earth

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Listen in your browser
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In this episode we talk a little bit about where I’ve been and what’s happening with me on my spiritual journey. We also have an extensive interview with Tameika and Fox of Spirits of the Earth Festival (among many other pagan centered events).

Just a quick note: The audio in this episode is not as good as I’d like. The first thirty seconds of the interview with Tameika and Fox is quite loud, but it improves a lot after that point.

News Of Note

Spirits of the Earth Festival (http://spiritsfest.com) is gearing up! The fest takes place between July 7th and 12th about 45 minutes from London, Ontario. I picked up camping gear a couple of weeks ago, and I registered today and took advantage of the Early Bird Special. It’s only $100.00 for the entire week!

Dragon Ritual Drummers will be there, along with Castalia, Gypsy Nomads, Themis, AND author Christopher Penczak. I can’t wait!

Thanks to those of you who voted, and sent donations through the months of April and May. We’re going to draw for a signed copy of The Way of The Hedge Witch by Arin Murphy Hiscock during the next show! Sponsors will be eligible for this fantastic prize, so please consider sponsoring the show?

Music this episode was:

Untie the Wind by Telling the Bees
Elemental Chant by Spiral Rhythm

Stay tuned for upcoming interviews with Arin Murphy Hiscock, Brendan Myers and Christopher Penczak!

Leaning

A lot of people I’ve known through the years are more likely to reach out to their understanding of the divine when they are in a crisis. They lean hard on their deities when they need support or some sense that things will come out all right. I do the absolute opposite. In times of grace (with grace being defined by me as goodness, plain and simple) I am all over the divine with praise and ritual and votive offerings. When times get tough, I clam up. I stop doing the Work. I find it nearly impossible to think straight let alone plan and execute a ritual of the simplest variety.

It occurred to me last night that when I most need to feel the benevolence of the Universe, I shut out all possibility of sensing it. I go inward, throw up all sorts of walls, and do not even think to reach out for support. I become near feral in my efforts to self-protect and I find it hard to soften, to surrender to loving care.

Last night I did a very simple water purification that I found in Kissing The Limitless by T. Thorn Coyle. It wasn’t elaborate, and required no more preparation than filling a glass of water and lighting a candle on my beside altar. It took all of ten minutes to perform, and despite my curmudgeonly attitude, it helped. A lot.

Faking it till you make it is something I’ve encouraged other pagans to do in times of spiritual dryness. “Just keep doing it” I tell them. “You’ll be glad you kept up your practice even if you aren’t feeling it.”

Humbling to know I give great advice, but don’t take it myself.

Today I’m leaning hard on the divine. Times are tough, parenting wise, and I am completely exhausted. I’m in physical pain all the time (thank you, mechanical low back injury that won’t heal) and it occurred to me last night that all the effort I put into seeming rough and tough and stoic about it all is really draining. Enough is enough. I’m going to be over here whimpering a little and asking for the support I need to get through what has been a very difficult time.

***

You may have noticed that my posts at darklyfey.com are getting more personal. I think it’s about honesty. I want you to know where I am in my journey so that when I do put out a show, you know I’m not bullshitting you. You have a sense of the person talking to you. You have a sense of who I am and what I’m doing in my life between shows. I think this can build community. I think when people are honest with one another, it gives us all permission to be real.

I want to be real with you. How about you? Do you want to be real with me? :)

Show is coming soon. I’m just waiting on Tameika and Fox to send me the files from the interview we did last weekend. Come hell or high water, I will record in the next few days.

Love to all,

Fey

I Know, I suck

It’s been a while since I’ve been in touch. Things have been interesting around here, to say the least. Life is plodding along as it should, but I have been struggling with a couple of things that prevents posting and podcasting. The first was a longstanding technical issue – my display on my laptop died, and so did the fan. This prevented me from coming to you live from the red leather couch, and finding my groove again while sitting in front of a desk was really not conducive to getting a podcast out. The fan works now after a full reformat, but the display is dead, dead, dead. Sigh! Alas! Alack!

However, my spousal unit recently brought me home a beautiful monitor (LCD), so the laptop functions as long it’s jacked in to an external display. He also brought me home a little Acer notebook that *might* be powerful enough to handle recording. If not, I’ll have to learn to sit at a desk and record, but I’m determined to do it. I miss you guys, I miss recording the show, and I miss my pagan podcasterly guise very much.

Another thing that’s been going on is in relation to the topics we’ve been covering. The goals are challenging when they aren’t just read and forgotten. I have found myself working them between shows, and until I have some level of understanding and even mastery, I just don’t feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with my listenership. I don’t want to create crappy content and if I’m talking about keeping my thoughts in good order while being bossed around by mean internal voices, and finding it impossible to remain optimistic thanks to negative tape that comes from an abusive childhood, well, who the frak am I to talk to you about keeping your thoughts in good order? This goal, of all the others, has kicked me in the teeth, but I’m really getting it lately. As soon as I figure out how to tone down the volume on the microphone, I will sit down to record, whether it be at the desk or on the red leather couch.

Parenting has been less than joyful of late. We have three teenagers living in these here parts, and one teeny bopper who lives with her mom, but comes over on weekends. These lovely beings have the capacity to keep us frazzled and feeling a little on the overwhelmed side. School is letting out late June, so things promise to get chaotic around here. Finding the hutzpah to record is going to take some serious spiritual work. Please consider lending me your energy. I would appreciate it greatly.

Fest season is approaching, and this year I’ll be attending The Spirits of the Earth Festival, and Kaleidoscope Gathering. I’m incredibly excited about both and feel so blessed to have not only the time but the financial wherewithal to manage registration for both festivals. I can’t wait to bring you coverage from both, and I hope with all my heart to see some of you there!

With Love and Many Blessings,

Deep Peace!

Fey

Dear Ones

I'm wondering if any of you do reiki or any other kind of energetic healing...

If you do, could you aim some love at my low back? I'm in an inordinate amount of pain today. Generally, I can handle it, but it's bad today, and there's a demolition to do on half the kitchen, cabinets to put in and a lot of scrubbing to do.

Thanks in advance. :) 

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

I transferred out of the on campus learning environment to distance learning, which provides a weekly meeting with a tutor and weekly marking. This not having a life thing was not working for me. What does this mean? More time, better meals cooked for my family, a more manageable work load. As it was, I was in school all day and doing homework all night. 

All the art stuff, the writing stuff, the soul food stuff went the way of the dodo.

Much happier. :)

anniversary

Today, Darklin and I are celebrating five years of life together as partners. I press my weariness to his strength, and I'm strengthened. He pressed his fear to my courage, and he is imbued with courage. We hold one another up to the light. 

It isn't the kind of love that movies are made of. There's no fairy dust or pumpkins turning into carriages. We do not complete one another.  He didn't have me at hello. It's better than that. Our love is like a tree we planted when we met, and it's taken root.  It has deep tendrils that stretch out a mile in all directions, and a canopy of leaves to catch the sun and rain. We shelter beneath it, sleep, play, dream, make love. 

Trees grow slow, and last.

New Show! Episode 26

Subscribe in iTunes
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Listen in your browser
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Use our handy widget in the right hand side bar! 

Don’t forget to VOTE! 
And thank you ALL for making The Dark Side of Fey the #1 Pagan Podcast at Podcast Alley for FOUR MONTHS RUNNING! You guys rock!

In this episode we talk a little about balance as a goal of the pagan, how I’m celebrating Spring and the upcoming festival season, and a little bit about solitary practice and how difficult, yet rewarding, that can be to maintain.

Spirits of the Earth Festival (http://spiritsfest.com)  is gearing up! The fest takes place between July 7th and 12th about 45 minutes from London, Ontario.  I picked up camping gear a couple of weeks ago, and I registered today and took advantage of the Early Bird Special. It’s only $100.00 for the entire week!

Dragon Ritual Drummers will be there, along with Castalia, AND author Christopher Penczak. I can’t wait!

 

 

Thanks to those of you who voted, and sent donations through the months of February and March. Our winner of the votive candles was Gabriel. I don’t have another sponsor swag draw planned just yet, but as soon as I come up with something, I’ll let you know. 

A word on Jax’s tarot segment: I haven’t heard from her since early February, and I’m assuming she’s just too busy living - a state of being that I understand all too well. We’re going to leave her be for the time being, and see if we can replace that segment with something else. I think it’s better for me and for the show if I work with what I have without waiting on someone else’s contribution!  Thanks to Jax for the segments she has produced for us! We’ll miss her!

Music this episode was:

Gaia Consort - Every Sacred Thing
Laura Powers - Silver Wheel
Sarah Stockwell - Language of Stones

 

Our next show will feature Tameika and Fox of the Spirits of the Earth Festival, and a discussion about Keeping your words in good order. (click for more info on the thirteen goals). 

Ostara

We celebrated Spring Equinox yesterday with a feast and the placement of some new herb plants in the window sill in the kitchen. I usually plant seeds at this time of year, but they usually die because I have a black thumb, so this year I opted to buy plants and transplant them to new pots. Hopefully the fact that they are already lush and green will remind me to water them, and look after them.

Last week was full of shopping. We had a small windfall and picked up a bunch of stuff for our kitchen (including new cabinets, which we will be putting in eventually - but painting and stuff has to happen first!). And then, yesterday, I got to use my new pots and pans to cook a spring lamb feast! And then, I got to serve it at my new dining room table.

Tomorrow, it's back to school. I have an essay to write today, and last night, I had a homework anxiety dream. First one since I went back to school. I woke up laughing about it, though, because the essay is on Sleepy Hollow, and I'll have it banged out in an hour, no problem.

Other things are happening today - laundry, maybe podcasting, and touching base with some people I've been missing. Like, you guys! :)

::hugs::

Fey

Pride

On Wednesday, we were told that our English teacher would be out of commission on Thursday due to a family thing, that we would have a supply teacher, and that we would be watching Sleepy Hollow. I groaned, internally, and decided not to go to English class on Thursday. What was the point? I've seen the movie a thousand times, and I really wasn't up for three hours of doing nothing.

I misjudged the situation. I found out yesterday, thanks to a student that is also in both my biology and my English class, that we were assigned a pretty heavy duty paper to write on Sleepy Hollow that would include five questions, two to be answered in 'short form', and three in point form. We were also assigned a response journal to write. I read over the list of questions and realized that despite having watched the movie a thousand times, I couldn't remember enough about it to fake my way through them.

There began about three hours of panic, and a temptation to drop teacher-delivered English and start over with distance learning. Why? Because if I couldn't do this assignment, I wouldn't be able to attain the honours level marks I wanted to get in English. The potential 'perfect' score I had been subconsciously shooting for would become impossible.

I talked myself out of it, but it was hard, and it took a lot of self-talk of the 'get your butt to English class and ask for an extension' variety. Also, a lot of 'perfect is not the point here, and what are you thinking? You can still score well, even without this one assignment. Do not be stupid.'

So I marched my butt into English class and got an extension. No problem.

Thank the Gods.

Also, I got a 4+ on my first biology quiz. For those of you in the states, this is equivalent to an A+ and it's the highest mark possible.

Go, me!

I Can't!

Respond to emails? Take a long stroll by the river? Have a leisurely bubble bath? Slow cook anything? Hang out with friends?

I can't. I have homework.

::grumbles::

The upside is, I understand cells, cellular organelles, cell functions, and macromolecules, not to mention my intensely profound grasp of rhetorical devices, connotation, signs and symbols and The Cask of Amontillado.

My brains. Let me show you them!

Grade 11

So, I've skipped most of Grade 10 thanks to a meeting with guidance today, and will be doing English 11 U and Biology 11 U this term. Next term, I'll be doing Math 10 U and English 12 U. I'll need a history and a couple of humanities courses, but I can figure that out as I go along. It's going to take three or four terms to graduate, which means a year, max.

I'm nervous about skipping the 10 U English course, but I am fairly certain I can hack it. I don't know what being in school full time will mean for the podcast, but I'll be sure to keep you posted.

School

Starting Monday, I'll be back in school. Since I'm registering late for the semester, I have no idea what's available, course wise, but that's okay. I'll take what I can get that applies towards my diploma. Not going to be picky. I need a science, so maybe I'll take biology this term. Woo!

Anyway...I'm excited.

Some Goals

I like to keep a list of things I'm working on handy so I can glance at it now and then and see where I'm at on my trek towards being where I want to be. Now, this doesn't mean I can't be content with where I am now. Far from it. I make it a practice to notice what's right about my current circumstances, because if you ask me, what you pay attention to in your life is what grows. Counting one's blessings is important, but just as important is the gentle art of knowing what you want and focusing your attention there as well.

Seeds I'm Planting

~Freedom from addiction to nicotine
~A driver's license
~High School Diploma
~To get my back taxes done
~A DSLR for Darklin
~Work on my herb garden
~Find a therapist
~Lose 40 pounds
~Become more physically fit (walking, yoga)

There are other goals. Travel, write a novel, BA Psych and MSW, etc. etc, but these are too far ahead of me to start focusing on now. The list up there are things I can accomplish within about a year's time.

Sometimes Moving Forward Means...

...taking a few steps back.

Last year, I dropped out of the adult high school program I'd enrolled in. I had good reasons for doing so, but I think it all adds up to "I wasn't ready."  I planned, at the time, to do distance education to finish high school, but I let a series of events derail me. The result has been a crisis in terms of how I see myself.

Everytime I fail to follow through, I hurt myself. You know? I become my own worst enemy, and a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I've decided it's time to turn the train around and go back to St. Louis, deal with all the reasons I thought it wasn't working for me, and finish.  If I settle for distance education, I'm going to feel like I've 'settled' for less than I'm capable of. If I settle for a GED, same thing. I want to finish what my life circumstances at the time I was in high school prevented me from finishing.  I want to take those years back in a symbolic way. 

I think this is important.  I think I'm really getting it, and I think I'm tackling my continued failure to follow through in a healthy way. With a pinch of humour, and a dash of determination. With the full awareness that I can do it. 

I have to take academic math. There's no way around it. I thought applied would be enough, but psych requires academic math, so that's that. The bright side is that the students at St. Louis who are doing academic math are probably going to me more serious than those doing applied math, so while the course itself will be more challenging, the environment will be less so.

Also, I can write essays. The final essay in grade 10 academic English scared the bejesus out of me. I was terrified to even try.  Which is a large part (no matter what else I told myself) of my decision to drop out.  I dropped out because I was yellabellied. I dropped out because I was scared to discover that I really couldn't do it. I preferred, at the time, to live in ignorance of what I'm actually capable of rather than challenge myself and find out the truth.

The truth is probably this: I'm perfectly capable of doing it. Maybe not perfectly but well enough to get the required 80% in the class.  So fuck it. Fuck my self-doubt. Fuck my abject terror. It's time for courage. It's time for being shit scared and doing it anyway.

My self-actualization process. Let me show you it.